Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
