If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
