Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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