So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
