dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
