dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
