some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
