i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drunk is not a location!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
