U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
