i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
