You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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