It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
