I looked at my own cervix.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
