hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
