with your own penis?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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