he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
