hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
