please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
