remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
