is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
