I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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