Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
