You smell like a Billy Joel song
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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