I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
