On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Say something about gay babies.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
