I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
