Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
