After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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