I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
