The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
