I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
