So drunk its hurt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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