I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
