I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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