My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I smell stomach acid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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