i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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