Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
