The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
