yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
