My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
