there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's the barista slut.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
