If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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