I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
