when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
