I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
