If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
