why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
