she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
