The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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