On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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