there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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