I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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